𝗦𝗼... 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗮𝗺 𝗜, 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆?

𝗦𝗼... 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝗮𝗺 𝗜, 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆?

A few days ago, I ran into a woman I hadn't seen in years.

Our children had gone to school together.

"So... what are your kids up to? Are you a grandmother yet? Have you retired?" she asked.

We laughed, exchanged a quick update about our children, and then I found myself asking:

                 "And how are you in this new phase of life?"

We exchanged the usual chit-chat updates.

Then, as I walked away, something stayed with me.

For years, those opening questions would have felt completely natural.

My children's lives were, in many ways, my life.

And the same was true of so many other moms I interacted with.

Between raising five teenagers, building a career, and simply keeping everything moving, there wasn't much room for reflection.

Without even noticing, I had become fluent in talking about everyone else, while the language to talk about myself had faded into the background.

It struck me that the old "mother default" had paid me a visit. That default that was so strongly wired into my brain was still there.

It no longer felt like the dominant force it once was, more like a distant relative who drops by every now and then, a brief reminder of who I used to be.

When someone asks me how I am, I notice how quickly I'm tempted to answer with what I'm doing, where my children are, or what's keeping me busy. I also notice others with the same response.

It's much harder to answer a different question.

𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗮𝗺 𝗜, 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆?

Not professionally, not as a mother, not in relation to anyone else.

Just... me.

One of the surprises of this stage of life is learning to pay attention to myself again, to notice what I feel, what I long for.

And to speak about myself without first talking about everyone I love.

My love for my children hasn't changed. Neither has my commitment to the people I work with.

But after years of pouring so much of myself into others, It's so exciting to realize that I now have the freedom to become curious about myself again.

I'm still learning that language and sometimes it feels natural, other times it feels awkward.

I know I am not on this road alone, that so many other mothers are traveling the same path.

I am curious to see where it will take me....